September 17, 2005

I wish I could sleep. Stupid no sleep sleeping pattern. I had maybe 4 and a half hours last night. About 5 the night before. Still wide awake now at midnight. I'm tired but I feel like I could run a marathon. I really just want to go run as fast as I can, get out of breath, fall down in a gutter somewhere, fall asleep and not wake up. Did I mention that I'm actually feeling better about being here. These are thoughts that are so much better than before. I'm not enjoying myself, but I have definitely hit the resignation stage of culture shock where things are just as they are in my reality and they're not so incredibly horrible. I like the train for the most part. I like the kids, when they aren't running around in circles. I like most people I work with when they aren't fake or trying to get in on my life. I don't mind sleeping on the floor at the moment, I'm sure my opinion will change when it gets colder. I feel ready to go out and interact with the world around me again. We'll see how long this lasts. It may just be a temporary delusion. It may just be due to the weather change, which, sounds like it may get warm again.