January 30, 2006

I know I'm a bad little girl.  I am just trying to stay afloat right now.  Work has been really busy and it's one of those times where you feel like you get up, go to work, come home, go to bed (although not sleep), get up, go to work....Sometimes you can feel busy, but there's still more to life than just the one thing in front of you.  Right now isn't one of those times.  It feels like I live in my own brain and can't see beyond a foot in front of me.  When I was living in Egmont, there were nights that were so pitch black that I actually, quite literally, couldn't see my hand in front of me.  There were a few nights when I was walking "home" from the main bottom building, either after watching CSI with Robin or staying late to work on the computer, that I had to just keep walking trusting in my own sense of direction and hope that there wasn't a bear directly in front of me cause, other than the smell, I'd have never have known it till it was too late.  It's an odd sensation to walk without being able to see when you would think there would be at least a bit of light from the stars or lights from Robin's or Vancouver.  I feel like I'm doing the same again.  Going on auto-pilot without being able to see a foot in front of me.  I like living in the moment, but there's a balance between living in the moment and not being able to see anything else around you or in front of you.  Sometimes the blindness is a good thing so that I'm concentrated fully on the very moment (usually of a simple joy that I want to cling to) that I am, but it's nice to have the option of being able to have a concept of where you are.  I have no concept of time right now and am pretty lost when it comes to thinking about leaving here.  Can't think of much in front of me.  So the writing has come to a stop because I can't process anything.  That's my excuse.  If you have a problem with that you can talk to my lawyer.  I don't have a lawyer.

January 29, 2006

I haven't really been sleeping.  I got up this morning and Chris called, so I decided to head into Tokyo to do some stuff.  Never mind.  It was nice to hang out with them.  It won't be long before I won't be able to do it without a transcontinental flight.  I got stuff done and we had dinner.  Sukiyaki.  A big warming pot full of thin sliced meat, mushrooms, rice vermicelli, tofu, greens, Chinese cabbage, foo, all cooked in soy sauce, hot water and brown sugar.  Then you dip the goodness in raw egg.  It's so good and I ate way too much.

January 27, 2006

Man, I have had the week from hell.  I'm not sleeping again.  It's currently 10 to 4 and I'm not actually tired right now.  Correction.  I'm exhausted but I can't sleep.  Mum and I had a really good talk about stuff, being a mother and being daughters.  It was really cool.

January 24, 2006

Not having a good time.  I had a pretty good day at work, although it's really long.  I talked about Robbie Burns today.  The ladies class really enjoyed it.  Then, during my break I had this horrible feeling of panic when I realized that today I am 8 weeks to departure.  I feel like my chest is going to cave in on itself.

January 23, 2006

The snow here is interesting.  Or rather, the Japanese attitude towards cold and snow is interesting.  Back home, we dress for the weather.  When it's raining, we wear more jackets, particularly water proof ones.  When it's snowing, we don't continue to wear miniskirts.  Snow removal is interesting as well.  Today, I saw kids outside the school,  hacking away at the sheet of ice that is the school parking lot. They don't seem to have a concept of rock salt.  They send people out to chip away at the ice.  At the bank today, there was a guy out front in a suit with a hammer, whacking away at the sheet of ice in front of the bank.

January 22, 2006

I slept for like 13 hours last night. I had a weird dream about spiders. Lots of spiders in Harry Potter. And I had a weird dream that I was living somewhere random, by the sea but Japanese speaking and Dad came to visit me and we had to go grocery shopping but things worked differently and he kept making mistakes. I was living in a big house with people, I think mostly boys, and this young thing kept coming to the door while only Dad was home and making him uncomfortable because she wouldn't go away, so I went to the door the next time she came around asking for some of the boys by name (I can't remember the names) and I told her off and she kind of went away. At one point, as I was going into the grocery store there was something about a kid, either I saw a kid, or had a kid with me. I can't remember specifics, a lot of it is just feelings that there was something there. It was really random and really vivid.

I am feeling really torn about going home now. I really don't want to stay and I really don't want to teach. I actually feel a rising sense of panic when I think of having to teach on any given day, even though I totally know what I'm doing now. I am having a hard time thinking of home and thinking of plans for when I get home because that means thinking of leaving and I don't want to do that. So it means that I can't make plans for Canada and then because I don't have anything set I'm all foggy and flustered here. I know I'll be fine, it's just the way I feel right now.

January 21, 2006

It was so cold this morning when I woke up and I couldn't figure out why.  My heat was on, I had blankets, but it was cold.  I opened the curtains and we have serious snow today.  There's several inches on the ground.  Made things very interesting getting to work.  I haven't ever ridden my bike in much snow before.

I was supposed to go to Karaoke tonight for Dave Noe's birthday, but my stomach has been rumbling all night.  I got dressed and everything to walk to the station just after 9.  I was standing in front of the door staring and it and I just couldn't handle the thought of being away from my toilet and my bed for more than 10 minutes.  So I took off my clothes that I had just put on and called Dave and cancelled.  I felt bad, but I really don't want to move.  So I'll watch Harry Potter and go to bed.

January 19, 2006

We had the group picture today at work.  It was wild having everyone all in one place.  From photo day a few of us went for a coffee and then Gina and I hit the trains to get up to Shiroi.  It took us just under an hour and a half from school to school.  That's ridiculous.  It was a long full day and she and I decided to stay at school to finish up our CPR's and such.  I got home just after 10:30.

January 17, 2006

My day is so freaking long.  I really like all the people in my classes today, but it's all just so long.  I got home just after 10 tonight.  It's long.  So now I'm watching John Stewart on my Dad's new flashy comp and writing on this one.  It's a great time.  I'm loving watching things in big pretty colour and in real time.  THERE'S NO LAG!!!!!  Jon's voice matches the movement on his lips.  The thing is that now I'm addicted to the thing.  I just want to stare at it constantly.  I'm in love with the LCD.  I want to have it's children.  It's just so beautiful.

January 16, 2006

I had a great day today, I cleaned up and spent a bunch of time talking to the parental units and Marcus, Marc and Amanda on line. I was so worried last night that I was going to be called in to work today as a sub cause so many teachers are sick, that I stayed up till like 4 in the morning talking to mum and dad and lying in bed with my mind racing. I have been non-stop go and I think there may be caffeine in Day-Quill cause it's definitely messed with my sleeping habits.

January 14, 2006

I feel horrible. I found some DayQuill in my apartment that made me very happy and possibly saved my life today. Last night at like 6 pm, a bunch of faxes came flying in to Kita about 15 minutes apart that were Trial Lessons and MakeUp privates, all for me, for today. It effectively brought me 30 minutes short of DOUBLE my teaching time today. It was all booked by Megumi. Megumi is my new nemesis. I don't know who I am more displeased with, Megumi or DPB (that's Downstairs Pee Boy, for anyone who has forgotten who my official, certified nemesis is). My kids were cute today and I'm really going to miss those two classes. I've spent a whole year with them. They even look different than they did when I started with them. I'm torn about going home. I mean I want to go, but I'm starting to look around here more everyday at things that I'm not going to see again. I like my flat here. I like my neighbourhood. I'm going to miss being in Japan and the opportunity that I have to be somewhere exciting. There's no way I could have lived differently and survived this year, barring keeping my heart under heavily guarded lock and key, but I know that there are going to be things that I regret when I leave. I'm going to miss having a pay cheque that enables me to live a very comfortable life. It's going to be hard to go home. And yet, SO EASY!

January 12, 2006

I should have gone to bed earlier last night, but I called the house just cause I felt like quickly saying hello.  I ended up "quickly saying hello" for over an hour and maxed out on my Skype Out minutes.  LeeAnne came over in the morning and we sat in the sunshine in my empty room and drank tea and talked about spiritual things and things to pray for.  Then we prayed.

Gina's really sick and was having a horrible day at work.  I left feeling worse than before, I think I caught her cold on top of my cough.

January 10, 2006

I woke up this morning to SNOW!! It wasn't really much of anything, just a dusting on the roof tops. Evidently Niigata has got like 4 metres of snow. One of my students today, her grandparents live there and usually they just get out of the second story window all winter. This year they can't even to that as the snow is higher so they have to be constantly digging out the window and clearing the snow, just so that they won't get buried in their own house. Now that's something to make the Canadians back home sit up and take notice of!!! The Prairie folk have got it easy compared to that. And take note...no central heating.

January 9, 2006

I woke up nice and late this morning after a nice sleep on Chris and Yasuko's nice soft futon. Their futon is so much softer than mine. Mine's thin and hard. Theirs is soft and thick. Same with the pillows.

As I said yesterday, it is a National Holiday today. I wasn't sure what it was for though. So I asked. They informed me that it was the coming of age day. Oh yeah. I'd forgotten. So the deal is that on January 9th, everyone who has turned 20, the legal age here, gets to be a part of a national coming of age day celebration thing. The girls all get dressed up in kimono and get their hair done and nails and the whole thing. They have white fur stoles that go over their shoulders (it is January afterall). The boys get dressed up all shubui like (that's "dashing, debonaire, Bond-esque" like). There's a tea ceremony, then a party. Then most people break off into smaller groups of friends for yet more parties, usually involving strings of restaurants and karaoke bars. The closest thing I can liken it to would be like a national prom day for all 20 year olds. So with this going on, Shibuya, where we went to meet Chris and Yasuko's new friends, was all a flutter with activity. There were street performers, which is difficult to do considering the main intersection for the area out side the station is the busiest in the world. There was this little Chinese thing doing contortions right in the middle of the street with a huge crowd around her. There were stands of food, mostly mochi, and tonnes of people everywhere. We saw some people making mochi. It's rice in this round wood frame, bowl, type, thing that they pound with great big wooden hammer, round hockey stick, type looking things. One person puts their hand in and turns it while the person is taking a swing then, bam, the pounder hits the rice then swoop up, the guy puts their hand in to turn it and, bam, down it comes again. It's pretty cool. Of course, with all this going on and young ones everywhere in kimono and such...I didn't bring my camera. I always carry my camera with me, at least my digital, but because my back was bugging me and I was only going in for Sunday afternoon and night, in Akihabara of all places, I didn't bring it with me. I've learned my lesson. Oh, and I missed taking pictures of the teenage musical monstrosity that was performing out on the corner on a stage that was all hyped up to be a big deal. High boots, short skirts, giggling, sleeveless fur vests, long straight blond hair, no talent. All men watching them. I can't believe I missed it. They didn't even sing. It was just them dancing, and not well at that.

We met with Chris and Yasuko's friends. He's from Montreal and she was living there, but is Japanese. He doesn't speak Japanese and she doesn't speak French, so, you guessed it, they speak to each other in English. Wild that it's neither one of their native language but it's what this married couple uses to communicate. Interesting. We went for Korean food on the 8th floor of one of the high rises just near the station. We told stories and talked and talked about poutine! It was a good time. Then it was time for me to get back cause I was tired and I had a long trek home lugging the computer around and a bunch of my stuff that had been in my pack at the Bracken/Kobayashi's place.

January 8, 2006

I went into Tokyo today to meet with Paul for church. It's a Hawaiian missionary and his Japanese wife. They do the service in both English and Japanese. She translates for him. It's pretty cool. It's a pretty usual kind of song "worship" for an evangelical kind of church. The message was really good. It's simple (especially when he has to stop every sentence for it to be translated, but it's done pretty naturally) but the essence of the message is something to chew on.

I went and met Chris and Yasuko at Akihabara to find a laptop for Dad with an English OS. It was interesting. We really only found the two places with English systems and they were identical in selection an price. I'm sure I could have swung something, but it's a pretty nice machine and a fair price so I wasn't worried about 5 and 10 yenning it, or nickel and diming it.

We went back to their place for some dinner and a night of cards. We had a big ol' pot of nabe which is meat, fish, dumplings, tofu, noodles and veggies all cooked in a broth on the table. And rice. Chris made me eat natto again with my rice. At least it was just a little bit. I can't believe he ate like the rest of the container. It's not a fun texture. I realized after some of my whinings that I may have been instigating a cultural faux-pas. But I think I'm safe. There's something about saying a food is gross that is not a polite thing. But I think that when it's culturally accepted that the food is a little odd, it's almost like a joke to watch people not enjoy it. I take great delight in watching Americans (usually only skinny, not glutinous ones) be totally disgusted with the description of poutine, or my unnatural love of Maple syrup on everything in sight. The Japanese seem to get a good kick out of watching people, particularly gaijin, eat natto. Yasuko even said that they know it's unpleasant, but they still love it. Chris likened it to the Blue Cheese phenomenon. No one would be offended if someone was trying Blue Cheese for the first time and they made a face, or had tried it previously and was quite adamant on not eating it again. Yet, there are people who ADORE the stinky, smelly, moldy cheese. Grandad adored it. He loved to eat it with apple or just plain. He used to laugh at Ryan and I when we would make faces, and then he would snort and shack his head and say something to the effect of "You're missing out on the finer things in life if you don't like Blue Cheese". I realized tonight that I might be offending someone by my distaste for natto, but now I'm really okay with it because it is like a joke, a socially acceptable thing to be disgusted with. I raved about the rest of the food, so I think I'm safe.

They convinced me to stay the night, as Monday is a National Holiday. Not that it's a holiday at the school, it's still open, but it's my usual day off. So I stayed. I've really wrecked my back somehow so we moved to the floor and played some cards. We played one card game that has 12 suits and 4 cards per suit. You make pairs of the cards to get the points. The cards vary in points from 1, 5, 10 and 20. It was cool. I think we were trying to hard cause we were trying to figure out a good strategy, but really it's quite simple and there's no getting around it so it's just a matter of making the pair or not. Then I taught them Hearts. It was fun to play again. I do love that game. Chris kept trying to shoot for the moon. I'm all about sticking it everyone by never getting any points what so ever. While others are all about going for gusto in the hopes of screwing everyone else over. Two very different ways of going at the game and both types of people are so easy to spot in the first few hands of a game.

January 7, 2006

I know I should write. I'm tired. It's 2:43 in the morning. I'm going to bed.

Today is Marc and Amanda's wedding
Today is Clifton's wedding (I can't remember his wife's name and I can't find the email he sent me)
Today is Kevin's birthday

What an eventful day.

January 5, 2006

I had to get my sorry butt out of bed before noon today. Going back to work is gonna SUUUUUCCK. I was at least happy for the reason to get out of bed. Yoko and I met (although I ended up being 10 minutes, which equals about a half hour late Canadian time, unless your Mrs B, then it's like an hour and a half late) at Shanti for a wonderful Indian Curry lunch. We ate good food and talked and laughed. Then we walked around for quite some time. Back to my place for tea. We talked about the history behind Christmas and what the point of Easter is. I enjoyed sharing with her some of the things that I believe and I was interested to hear what she believes. I will miss her when I'm gone.

After grabbing a quick bite and looking everywhere for my Round 1 card, which may have been shipped back to Canada with the Brackens, I headed off on another adventure with Drlfan. This time it was in the dark. Oooooo, spooky. (4 year old Reiko likes to say that) About a week ago I figured out how to ride to the station two stops away. You would think that it would be easier to find the stop between those two. But it isn't. For one, there's a University Campus between my house and the station. Second, the station's underground. So I got on the net and found a map of the area and of the campus and I figured out the way to go through the campus to get to the station. All was going well, until I came out on the other side of the campus right next to the station and I had to pass through a small gate next to security. It was fine leaving the campus, but how on earth was I to get back in on my way home. I'll figure that out later. So I did it. I found a way to make it to the other station that, without the security problem would actually be closer to my house than the usual Kita-Narashino station.

I made it to Murakami in record time and found that I had a half hour to kill. So I went to the mall across the street (I hate malls, I especially hate Japanese malls) because there was nothing better to do. I only shopped at Uni-Qlo cause it's the only store that has sizes that I sometimes fit. I have to get women's XL and at that they're not baggy at all. I found a sweater and a shirt for 2050 yen (that's like 20 bucks) together. And then I found a friend who used to work with us teachers at the school! It was good to see her as I haven't seen her in soooo long. She was our life line when she worked with us. She came along with me to see the rest of the gang and had a beer, but then had to go because she's a Tokyo working girl now and has a long commute everyday. We met up with a bunch of teachers and headed upstairs for some magical bowling memories. It was a good time. It always is. The new guy even got a strike on the blacklight bowling so it meant that we got to have our picture taken with him in the bowling pin suit. There wasn't too many of us and who was there was really cool. It was chill and a good time.

I got off at Funabashi-Nichidaimae and hoped for the best. I wasn't too hard due to my previous Adventure with Mall Finding. I ended up near, and then subsequently on, a construction path that I had taken on my way home. Easy peasy. It's still way easier to go through the campus, as opposed to down a big hill then having to truck back up a big hill, but I'll take what I can get.

All day I have been fighting off a rising panicky feeling. I don't want to think about tomorrow until it actually comes upon me and I walk up the stairs of the Kita school. I'm not the only one to feel this way either.

January 4, 2006

I really haven't moved for this whole week. I've slept, I've read, I've watched inordinate amounts of tv. Tonight for dinner I reheated some rice, put it in a bowl with some chopped lettuce and some mayo and stirred it all up. It was quite fabulous. It's my new Dinner of Champions. Or rather, my new Dinner of People Who Are Too Indifferent And Lazy To Go Grocery Shopping For Just Over 2 Weeks. That's long name. I don't think that would ever fit on a menu.

I did actually leave my house today. I had somthing I had to go do and I went by some friends' place to drop off a hat that I made. They're both really, really sick. Just yesterday she started to feel better. She'd had a fever of over 39. That's dangerous stuff. I felt like I was going to a Plague house, like there should be a big black mark over their door as a warning to all who would come near. Contagion, stay away. Then I came back home and watched some more West Wing (my new addiction, next to mayo and MTV's Daria on streaming) and I finally got to see Transporter 2. Highly entertaining. Most of it I had no problem suspending my disbelief, but the thing with the plane, I had issues with. So what if he can spin his car off a ramp and knock off an exploding device from the bottom of his car by hitting a crane hook and then landing perfectly. It's an action flick. It's not rocket science. So what if the plot rather mirrored that of MI2 only instead of the pretty lady being infected with a virus it was a pretty lady's kid first, then the pretty lady. That's fine. I can suspend all of that. But when they shoot the pilot and the plane starts doing all these acrobatics, and straight up in the air to stall out and then plummet down and then spin around, all while the two guys inside are duking it out and neither one of them is being rendered unconscious (even though both were able to render everyone else in the movie unconscious, I guess it only goes one way), it was just a bit much. But highly entertaining. It would have been even better if my video had been able to keep in sync with the audio. It's always fun to hear an explosion and then to watch it in freeze frame like 6 seconds later.

I was hoping that with the silence here and the lack of activities that I would start having these wonderful epiphanies and spiritual or life truths that I could digest and write about. I've found that the less I do, the less I want to do. I hit boredom in and around the 1st or 2nd. But then if you just stick with it you'll come out the other side completely content with not moving and not doing a thing. I had to really resign myself to it and be committed to the lack of anything, but now I've reached the point where I'm enjoying having the opportunity to sit and stare at a wall for a few hours. Which, by the way, I did yesterday for just under 2 hours. It was a good time. Then, I stopped, snuggled down in my bed even further than I already was, and fell asleep for about an hour at like 7 at night. I don't know if I could actually do this forever, but it would be a fun experiment to see if I could and still enjoy it. I liked going out for a walk the other night, in my pj bottoms, in search of the mikan popsicles that I so love (blue wrapper, never did find them, found other ones, but no the blue wrapper ones with whole chunks of mikan in them), and then I got back and was even happier to be home. That was two nights ago, I think. They're all starting to blur into each other. Ah, glorious blur.

January 3, 2006

Didn't move today. It was AWESOME!!!!

January 1, 2006

I was supposed to go to church with LeeAnne but she called early this morning, sounding absolutely horrible, to cancel cause she got sick last night. Too bad she's not feeling well. I barely moved from my "couch". And by "couch" I mean my futon folded in half and propped up against the wall to give me a chair back. I watched several hours of streaming Mythbusters. Good times. Watch it on Discovery Channel. I've read a bit of The Pirates! In An Adventure With Whaling (also sold as 'The Pirates! In An Adventure With Ahab' I don't know why there's two names). It's a fabulous series of books, or rather two books at present but I hope he keeps writing, about a Pirate Captain and his crew going off on adventures. It's right up my alley. I've decided to give an excerpt. You must all go out now and buy the book, or any other book by Gideon Defoe (except maybe 'How Animals Have Sex', that might be too much for the faint at heart!).

From 'The Pirates! In An Adventure With Whaling' by Gideon Defoe:
Chapter Five – Satan's Fish Ate Us Alive!

'Well, lads, you'll be happy to know I have a new plan,' said the Pirate Captain, striking his most businesslike pose. The pirate crew, who were all sprawled on one of the Lovely Emma's tennis courts awaiting their Captain's idea, gazed up at him expectantly.

'We're going,' said the Pirate Captain, a glint in his eye, 'to Las Vegas!'

The pirates all looked at each other in surprise. It wasn't exactly the announcement they had been anticipating.

'Las Vegas?'

'That's right. Las Vegas. The city of dreaming spires.'

'But you're always saying how gambling is terrible, Pirate Captain. You said it was even worse than calling people names.'

'But then we had that adventure where you wagered the whole boat and crew that nobody could beat you at thumb-wrestling.'

'Which is it, Pirate Captain?' said the albino pirate. 'Is gambling terrible or good?'

'We are not,' said the Pirate Captain, 'going to Vegas to gamble.'

'Oh. Why are we going? Is it the whoring?'

'No, it's not that either. Come on, you lubbers – what else is Las Vegas famous for?'

The pirate crew gave a collective shrug.

'Showbusiness! You know how good I am at telling anecdotes. And we're always having adventures. It's just the sort of place an entertaining act such as ourselves could be a hit.'

The pirates wriggled uncomfortably from foot to foot. A couple of them tapped their heads meaningfully.

'Come on!' bellowed the Pirate Captain. 'It was bound to come down to this sooner or later. Why are you all looking so put out?'

'It's just...I don't think we realized you had ambitions in that particular direction,' said the pirate with a scarf.

'It's not just one of my fads, if that's what you mean.'

'Are you sure about this, Captain?' said the pirate in red.

'I do have a sensitive side, you know,' said the Pirate Captain with a pout. 'I realize you lot tend to think I'm just about the hair and the grisly murder, but that's simply not the case. You might be surprised to hear that sometimes I enjoy taking a little time out to read Shakespeare, and make daisy chains, and artistic stuff like that. I've always felt a certain calling for the stage. In many ways I think that's why I got into piracy in the first place, because it's quite dramatic.'

'Sorry, Captain,' said the pirate in green. 'I hope you haven't felt too misunderstood all these year.'

'Aaarrr, that's okay. It's a lonely job, being a Pirate Captain. I knew that when I signed on.'

And here ends our dramatic reading for the day.