February 1, 2006

Today was actually not mind numbing today.  The last two days I've been getting lots of planning done during my time at the school.  It must be Mum praying for me cause she said she would be after I told her that I felt like I couldn't keep my head above water.  I just hope that I'm able to keep taking the opportunities that I have in front of me and keep ahead.  I can see that I'll just stop caring and stop being ahead after my break in a weeks time.  I have a week and a half till I get 5 days off.  How my days play out have got me questioning how I work.  I used to thrive on the fast paced stressful environment, but now it just fries me and I can't handle it.  It's like I'm getting lazier in my old age and it seems like I don't want to work.  But I do like to work.  I like doing things and organizing, but I think the change is that I want to work on my own time.  I'm not afraid of putting in tonnes of hours of work, but I need to be in the mind frame for it, otherwise I self-destruct.  I felt today like I could have kept going, kept planning.  Other days, I feel like I can teach one class and then I'm done.  I wonder if it's all a matter of lack of discipline in myself.